It’s Christmas break! I can start blogging again :)
MR. & MRS. CAPILI
Llonel Capili and Luzviminda Capili are married for 20 years and have two daughters. One is our groupmate, Chloei Capili, the younger daughter who is now 18 years old and is almost graduating from college (DLSU-Manila). Their older daughter, Melody Capili 19 y/o, studied in the same university and recently graduated with honours with a BS-Psychology degree in October 2013.
Llonel or “Bong” Capili is a seaman from Naga City, Bicol and Luzviminda or “Luz” Capili was a long time employee of Magsaysay Corporations but is now a housewife. Luz is from from Mangatarem, Pangasinan. They met each other when Luz was working in a Maritime Training Center where Bong trains to be a seafarer. After only a few months, they decided to get married even if Bong had to leave the country once in a while because of the nature of his work but the planning of their marriage goes on even he was abroad. Bong was 26 y/o and Luz was 28 y/o and they both wanted to have their own family that’s why they wanted to get married right away. Also because they knew they were financially ready to have a family of their own.
After getting married, they reside to Cavite to raise a family and until now they are living there. Bong has a license of a Captain but now works as a Training Operations Manager in Magsaysay Training Center and currently taking his Master Studies, still related to seafaring. Bong decided to not go abroad since his two daughters entered college. But Bong says, that maybe when his younger daughter graduates from college then he might go back to going abroad since he is still relatively young. Luz also stopped working 5-6 years ago but is now occupied by different businesses that generated more income for the family.
Over the years, they both said, that the blessings of the marriage life begins with having children that they know they have raised well; and they continue to be blessings no matter what. They say that being married helped to have a stable family life in every aspect. Financial stability is one thing that they both agree on that is important in starting their own married life but love and respect with each other will always be a greater aspect for engaging in such relationship. That is why challenges in their married life are rare for them because they know how to give and take. As Luz would say, someone should always step back and understand the other; unless, they would clash. Being married for 20 years, they will always remain happy and strong with the love and respect they have for each other. They say it is part of loving unconditionally.
Chloei G. Capili
Our interview with my parents was very insightful for me. In many years, only now I got to know as to how my parents decided to get married and how they maintained a relationship for 20 years. I was also so glad to hear from my parents how happy they are in their married life although they got married after a few months of just meeting each other. I saw how sure my mother was when she was telling us about wanting to marry my father even though he had to go abroad for work. As for me, I would want to experience that sureness when I ever get married. That unconditional love that you’re even willing to endure all the waiting; because you know very well that you’re sure of that someone. That kind of love that both my parents have from the day they decided to marry each other. I really did learn a lot from my parents and I’m glad we did that interview. I never thought I would idolize my parents more after since I really look up to them and how they raised our family into something so strong.
I never actually got the chance to blurt out the questions that my mind has constantly been feeding me to my own parents. It’s a good thing that this activity made us interview a couple who shares some similarities with my parents. It’s unbelievable how alike my parents are with Chloei’s. Chloei’s mom used to work at the same company my mom is working now. Chloei’s dad is a seaman who used to always work overseas, the same as my dad who currently works as a chief engineer in some shipping company. Because of those details, I can somewhat feel that it’s as if I was interviewing my own parents right then and there. So I took the chance and asked them some questions.
I asked them about the thing that made their relationship work, because of their one-of-a-kind relationship where the dad always has to leave leaving most of the house and family duties to the mom. Chloei’s mom said that there will always be times where the two wouldn’t come along. There will be conflicts with regards to the decision makings and whatnots. Even if you love each other so much, it still wouldn’t suffice and the relationship wouldn’t work if one of you wouldn’t give in to the other. In one of my papers in the past, I’ve shared how understanding plays a big part in making a relationship work. I guess that Chloei’s mom and I share the same sentiment.
I also like how we asked them about what was the thing that made them know that they’re both ready to get married. They really couldn’t think of an answer, Chloei’s mom was just sure that her dad was the one, and when they were both stable, they got married despite the obstacles they knew they were on up ahead. I think Chloei’s mom really just loved her dad unconditionally, and look at their family now, they’re just so happy with each other.
We have interviewed Mr. And Mrs. Capili. They are already in their 19th year of marriage and based on their interview and how I see them, they seem to still be happy with each other’s company.
They have shared their experiences as a married couple and I pretty much agree with most of them. Before they got married, they ensured that they are financially capable of raising a family. This is important because they have talked about settling down beforehand so they were able to prepare for the married life. This made me reflect on our class discussion wherein an argument was raised in class that it is better to save up together than doing the preparations alone. It is not a matter of me being single and preparing for it financially but preparing as a couple. This is the case of Mr. and Mrs. Capili and it is a wise decision because as what Mr. Capili said, “Even if you love each other, when you’re hungry, love cannot feed you.”
According to Mrs. Capili, love includes understanding, faithfulness and trust. In the married life, these things are important for without these, the marriage may not work out. Without these, love cannot exist. It is very important that they know the needs of each other. Also, when they have differences, having a long thread of patience and being able to understand whatever is lacking is vital. 19 years of marriage is not a joke. Setting your eyes only on your partner will keep and strengthen the marriage, like Mr. and Mrs. Capili.
I am looking up to their married life because they were able to raise a good daughter as Chloei. Also, based on their sharing, they seem to know very well the ins and outs of the married life. Their unwavering love for each other is something that I would strive to give when I get married.
CHURCH: OUR LADY OF ASSUMPTION PARISH
CHLOEI & LADY: DEC 4, 8pm
DON: December 14, 7:30 pm
A Pre-Cana seminar normally consists of two sessions. However, because the Pre-Cana seminar being held at the parish we went to was different, it was only briefed in one session. It was different because the parish was having its Kasalang Bayan where they would wed a lot of couples coming from the parish’s vicinity. The reason for having it done briefly was that there were just too many couples that the parish couldn’t accommodate them all, if they push through with the typical Pre-Cana.
The Pre-Cana we’ve attended to was facilitated not by a married couple, but by Ms. Beth, a widow. She said that she’s been doing the Pre-Cana even before, when her husband was still alive. The reason for this was that the parish couldn’t find anyone else to conduct their talks as good as how Ms. Beth does it. She conducted some talks and made the couples who are looking forward to getting married do some activities; some of which were already familiar to us because of our class. One of the things she made them do was the Marriage Expectation Inventory. According to her, this was one of the most important parts of the seminar. This is where the couples realize their differences, and it was her task to make them talk about it and in a way bring them to their common ground. She also gives them advices and her personal experiences with her deceased husband. As we’ve observed, we found the couples to be very open about the things they’re talking about. You can really see how eager they are to get married.
After the activity, she gave some talks about the Christian way of marriage, the differences between a man and a woman, and how the husband works as the head and the wife as the heart. After that was a short break. The session resumes and Ms Beth is now talking about how to deal with problems when they become married. She also talked about how it’s like to have kids, and shared some tips at becoming a good parent, a label which she proudly calls herself. She discussed about the rites of marriage, explaining the different symbolism associated with the sacrament. And lastly, she ended it with a prayer, praying that the couple be successful with their married life.
Having to attend a pre-Cana Seminar and even had an activity similar to one, I saw how important it is to get to know your partner even before marriage. Ms. Beth, the facilitator of the pre-Cana says that the couples who get married in their Parish are usually living together and are getting married for formalities. I thought that somehow, it defeats the purpose of the pre-cana because they’ve already know how to deal with each other as couples. But it would still be surprising how some couples living together do not still understand some aspects about their planner. These things could be learned after a pre-Cana session that although they’ve been together for so long, they would only learn if someone else would point it out for them. That’s why I think the preparations of the married life is much more important than anything else in starting a family. I really wasn’t that open about the idea of living-in rather than getting married. I believe that activities such as the pre-cana prepares you a lot and although I couldn’t relate to it yet that much but I saw how important it is to know what life you’re getting into.
I would really want to find a partner someday that would have the same checks I had in that paper, a soul mate maybe but I know that’s one in a million or maybe impossible. But I know for a fact that the married life takes time to develop and it takes the two to be able to work things together. That’s why I feel that I should be a person and eventually a partner who is full of understanding, the one who gives, the one who isn’t always right but makes it clear that I’m not taken for granted.
The Pre-Cana, although I can honestly say that I didn’t get the full experience of it since the one that I attended to was a short one because of the Kasalang Bayan, still made me discover some things about myself that I’ve never known before. I discovered how cheesy I was seeing the sparks in the eyes of the couple that I sat-in with. It softened my heart a bit and actually made me want to get married at that moment. But because that’s not likely to happen, especially when I’m still thinking about the current load that my professors have given me just in time for Christmas, I thought that I could probably just imagine.
Imagine as if I was in the shoes of the guy, what would it be like if I were to attend this kind of seminar in the future? It could be scary, because you’re finally getting to know your differences and I might not take it as well. It could be sentimental, because finally you’re a step away to becoming married. Or it could be plain neutral, because the excitement of the seminar’s gone now that I know what’s gonna happen. Kidding aside, of course, I’d have to think about my partner as well. How is she going to take the seminar, will she take it seriously or will she go with my craziness and laugh at how incompatible we really are? But of course, these things I wouldn’t really know until I actually get married. I guess I really just have to find the perfect partner.
But how would you even know if the one you have is indeed the perfect one? Do you have to make a checklist just to know if she is? Well basing it on the couple I shared the Pre-Cana experience with, I guess the ultimate test to know if the person you have is the one is by getting married.
The pre-cana seminar was held in Our Lady of Assumption Parish in Leveriza. The participant couple will be participating in the Kasalang Bayan on December 21, 2013.
I found the seminar similar to our TREDFOR discussions. It also involved answering the Marriage Expectancy Inventory and some of the topics discussed by Ma’am Beth, the instructor, were also covered in our lectures. However, being personally immersed in the seminar had me reflecting on marriage. I have observed how the couple endeared each other. While looking at them, I have wondered when I will be right where they are now.
I was actually thinking of a special someone during the pre-cana seminar. While the couple was answering the questions, I thought of how it feels to finally be doing this with someone whom I love and whom I want to spend forever with. They seem so happy and I hoped that I would have a relationship just like them. There is this certain kind of connection between the couple. They were honest in answering the questions, from the minor details to the major ones, and honesty is one of the most important things to make a marriage work. This way, the couple could develop and grow in their relationship by telling what they want and of course by settling things if they have differences.
I felt excited for the couple because they also seem so excited about the wedding. Looking forward to the married life is one way of making it work. I have to be optimistic and not worry too much on what they will leave in exchange for it. When one is enthusiastic about something, he can anything and even everything to make it work. That is also one way of showing importance to marriage. Being pessimistic and worrying on things that may not even come will not help me in preparing myself for marriage.
The couple also seemed to be emotionally and psychologically ready. For me, it is really important to prepare for this. It is not enough that I love my partner. I should also accept him for who he is. It is necessary to keep my thoughts on the marriage and not think negatively. Marriage is not something you get into only because you are happy about the thought of it. I should prepare myself for what is to come because I am also responsible for the lives of the family we are building.
Overall, the pre-cana seminar was an enriching experience for me. It is not enough that I know what are the questions being asked but also how it is done. Observing the couple gave me insights on relationships and their perceptions about marriage.
To say the least, all my dreams and wishes about my marriage plans have become thwarted by no less than our very dynamic professor, Sir Ian. But I have to thank him as well, because through the class, I managed to learn about what it really is like in the world of marriage. And I can say that it isn’t all that smiles and laughs. Everything has a deeper meaning, and how it applies to each and everyone may be different. One has to figure out the meaning by himself and it is up to him how he would go about it.
I’ve always thought of marriage as something that’s just like the thing the guards pull up when you enter a certain village or subdivision; easy as that. It just paves the way for you to get in. It’s like a required thing for you to go through just so you can say that you’re married and can now have a family of your own. But I realized that marriage is so much more than that. It is the union of a man and a woman, both of which have a certain role to play in building up a family. And it’s not just that, there are things that you should know before hand like the sacrifices you should be willing to take and the challenges that lie ahead. So I realized that marriage isn’t as easy as I once thought it’d be.
Because of the class, I can now finally say goodbye to the naive that was and say hello to my more realistic and more mature self. The activities and lessons we had were very fun as well as being very fruitful. I can tell how fruitful they were because some of my classmates ended up sharing their very personal stories. And I noticed how weirdly affected I got each time we discuss about our thoughts and feelings about marriage.
I now feel that I am equipped with the weapons of love and now ready to battle my way into the world of relationships and marriage. This wouldn’t be made possible if it wasn’t for our sensei who taught us the necessary learnings.
After TREDFOR, I realized how luck I am to have my family now as an example for me for the future. I have always look up to how my parents raised me and my sister to be responsible young women. I never really see my parents raise their voice with each other. I would assume they fight when we’re not around because I always hear that parents tend to fight regularly and it’s normal. I was scared then because I don’t see my parents fight at all and thought that it wasn’t healthy. But because of the interview I was even prouder to say that my parents rarely fight and it’s making their married life more stronger. It is apparent that their relationship are stronger that’s why our bond as a family is even more strong. Because of the family I have, I want to build a family based on these values of love and respect I got from my parents. I hope to have a family centered on faith and understanding. Although I know I always write about not wanting to get married right away but that does not mean I won’t ever. I hope to marry. And I hope it is to someone I’ve always imagined to be or even better. That’s why I take time to think about a relationship. I’d call myself old fashioned but I would want to make sure that every relationship would be special for me and if one doesn’t last I want it to end like I learned something and not feel that I wasted time in the relationship.
I know I’m supposed to talk about myself but I just wanted to share this; I recently read this article about the break up of Billy Crawford and Nikki Gil. After months, Nikki Gil spoke in the form of this article on how she feels that she wasted a good 5 years of her life with Billy and she was asking why not just 2 or 3 years. What shocked me is that she was somehow releaved that it ended already. And I felt so bad because I do look up to their relationship as a couple. Like Nikki, I value sex as it should be done only after marriage. Old-fashioned, yes, but it says a lot about being a woman. At first I even told myself that I should find my first boyfriend and make sure to make the relationship last so that this person will be the one I’m supposed to get married with. We could get married. Nikki felt the same but now she says she’s glad to start all over as a new person. But me having to have same principles but not yet having a couple relationship of my own, I do not know what to expect. Because maybe (but I hope not) I would grow in to someone like Nikki that regrets a long relationship that ends with nothing. Maybe that’s my fear of entering in a relationship?
I wouldn’t want to feel that I completely wasted time getting to know someone. So I’ve always thought of how I should be in a relationship if ever I get into one. I’d always tell myself to be as giving and as understanding like my mother. But I guess, I’ll never know until I get into a real one. Marriage is really something to think about and I’m sure, at this age, this topic should have already cross your mind even at least once in a while. Sometimes I wonder if I would be able to get married and I always hope that I would. Hopefully, when time comes I hope that I marry for the right reasons and with the right person.
For three months, we have discussed a lot in our TREDFOR class and I found the lessons of great relevance in my life. What I appreciate the most about them is that these lessons are not just informative but these lessons also served as “tips” or guidelines as I venture through life after college.
With our discussions in marriage, I was able to reflect on how I should prepare myself for it and how to cope with it. Marriage is not like “crossing the bridge when you get there.” Instead, it is something that should be thought of really well because it is a sacred sacrament.
One of the lessons I have gotten from TREDFOR is whatever I will be, whether being married or single blessedness, it is all part of God’s great plan. Nothing is of lesser or greater among these. Each of these has significance in God’s plan for all of us. It is part of our mission and we should intently listen to what God wants for us.
I have always dreamed of a perfect wedding and how I wanted my married life to turn out. However, I have never felt this ready while taking TREDFOR. Even three months back, I have never thought I would be starting this early preparing myself for marriage. But TREDFOR gave me realizations and the confidence that I need. The pre-cana seminar and interview are two activities of significant value to me because these activities are opportunities to have a closer and actual look into the married life. Being immersed in these activities had a positive effect on my personal reflection towards marriage.
TREDFOR maybe the last theology subject I will be taking but among all the TRED classes I had, TREDFOR had the most effect on me. I find the lessons valuable and these are what I will actually need in the future. These lessons are what I will treasure and hopefully pass on to the fruits that these lessons will bear in the future.